


Fragmentation

by ThunderShock



Series: Rebuilding [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Memory Loss, Self-Discovery, Ship name Top Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-11-18 20:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderShock/pseuds/ThunderShock
Summary: If she isn't Vers or Carol anymore, then who is she?A series of stories about her memories as Carol Danvers, Vers, and Captain Marvel





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on mobile so all the mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I saw Captain Marvel a few days ago so if I get anything story wise messed up please let me know!
> 
> I love comments and feedback from the community, so don't be afraid to comment.

Her first memory as Vers was full of confusion and fear.

She had woken up strapped to a table with a overly bright light shining in her face. She could distantly hear people moving and talking around her, she knew they were only a few feet away but they sounded so far away. 

She groaned as she lifted her head too peer around the room. There were people swiftly moving about the small white room. She wasn't sure that they were people, she knew but didn't know how she knew, that people didn't normally have blue skin or bright yellow eyes. 

A sharp pain in her right arm and spine jolted her from her thoughts. She turned her head to look at her arm, only to see a thick needle connected to a thick clear tube with a thick blue liquid flowing through it. Panic griped her, she didn't know where she was, who she was, or what was happening to her, but she knew that it was wrong, that it should not be happening. 

Her fight or flight instincts kicked into overdrive as the mysterious blue liquid was slowly approaching her. She thrashed against the bindings on her wrists and legs, trying to somehow shake the needles loose from her skin. She clenched her fists and she struggled against her bindings. 

There was an oddly warm sensation that started to spread though her body. It felt like fire in her veins, but it did not burn but invigorate her. The sensation coiled in her clenched fists until it was almost too much to handle, then it was gone. 

She glanced back down at her arm, only to see the needle still attached and the blue liquid still flowing freely into her, but her attention was drawn to something else. There was a glowing swirling energy that was wrapped around her forearm and fist. She looked past her glowing fist to the floor below, only to see a smoldering hole that seemed to go through several floors below her.

There was a sharp stabbing pain on the left side of her neck drawing her attention from the gaping hole. She instinctually tried to grasp the area with her left hand. She was expecting her arm to be held back by the restraints, but was surprised to find that her arm was free. She stared at the glowing hot remains of the metal band that once held her. 

A motion to her left caught her attention. Her head snapped up to the room around her, everyone was frozen staring at her with a mix of bewilderment, shock, and fear. The only one who wasn't was a man in a strange but oddly familiar green and black uniform with startlingly yellow eyes. Her vision slowly started to blacken and turn fuzzy at the edges, and her eyelids slowly got harder and harder to keep open.

"Welcome to Hala, Vers." She heard the man in green say before she lost consciousness.

\---

The earliest memory of Carol Danvers was full of frustration and determination.

Her brothers had always been mean to her, but the day their father took them to the beach one hot summer Boston day and left them one their own was one of the worst days. Their father had married Carol's mother shortly after their mothers death, Carol was born not too long afterwards. They were only a few years older than her, but old enough to know that Carol wasn't the same as them. 

Carol had been dealing with her brothers all her life, she could handle the roughhousing and insults they threw her way. But today was different, their insults weren't just aimed at her but at her new friend at school too. When they shoved her into the hard compacted sand she knew she'd had enough. 

Today she fought back with a determination that she didn't even knew she had. That day had ignited a spark that couldn't be extinguished, the need to protect.

\---

Now as she stood alone on an alien world with two different lives in her head, both battling for dominance over who she was and who she would become. The cold and hateful starforce soldier or the snarky and confident navy pilot or would she be someone new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more chapters in the future, I really like the idea of the personalities and memories of Vers and Carol clashing and forging her into something new. 
> 
>  
> 
> Carol/Maria scenes will be coming soon I promise!


	2. Home

The first time Vers wakes up in the middle of the night it's from a dream of a dark skinned woman in a strange green jump suit saying "Higher, further, faster, baby." She feels like it was more than a dream but a memory. She racks her brain grasping for more but the memory is just out of her reach, she can almost remember the woman. She wants to remember the woman that felt like home. 

She doesn't tell Yon-Rogg about the woman from her dreams. She tells him about everything else she dreams about, but for some reason she can't bring herself to talk about her. He wants her to forget her past and move forward. She tries, she does. She tries to make Hala her home, to make Starforce and her team her new home. The cold humorless attitude of her team is a constant reminder of how she is supposed to act. But every time she tries to forget the woman, whose name is just out of reach, the sound of her laughter or the sound of her singing brings her right back to where she started. 

Hala never became a home to Vers no matter how much she tried, she could not forget her true home.

\---

The day Carol enlists was the day that her father puts his fist threw a wall. He's drunk, just like he's been for the last ten years, ever since her eldest brother died in Vietnam.

She's not sure why she enlisted. Was it to protect her country? No, she knew that she would never see real combat because she was a woman. No, she joined because it was the fastest way to escape, her father, the expectations placed on her, her entire life, to find a real home and family.

She had tried to be what her father wanted her to be. She got good grades in high school, ran track, and tried dating, but she had too much fight in her. It helped get her to the state championship in track, but held her back when she argued with her teachers or when she questioned, well pretty much anything. 

She knew she wanted out and to piss off her father and the easiest choice was to join the military. She knew it was going to be challenging, that the expectations that had plagued her all her life would follow her here. That she was too weak to do what the boys could do, that she was a dainty girl that had to be protected. 

Her recruitment officer had been up front with her about her role in the military, that she would train with the men but would never see combat. That she would be stuck either behind some desk as someone's secretary or be stuck a guinea pig for some government weapons development. But the moment she laid eyes on that fighter plane on the cover of one of the pamphlets sitting on the recruitment officer's desk, she knew exactly what she wanted, and was not afraid to get it.

\---

She sat on the bridge of Mar-Vell's ship watching the stars as they sped past. She could hear Talos playing with his kid, the joyful sounds hurt for some reason. She could remember the same sound coming from Monica, but she couldn't remember the actual memory. It frustrated her to no end to have come so far and to have lost so much. She wanted to remember every moment she spent with Maria and Monica. Every late night movie, every grouchy morning, every home cooked meal and every take out, every argument and every make up. 

She remembered her time has Vers perfectly. Her time spent training to hunt the same people she was now helping. Learning the ways of the Kree people as she forgot her own. Every moment she spent trying to make Hala her home and forgot her real one.

She just wanted to remember her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to self don't listen to Halsey while writing or it comes out super angsty.


	3. Fears

Vers was trained to fear nothing, to push aside her emotions in order to achieve victory. It was the one piece of training that she never quite mastered, her sense of humor and justice usually got in the way. It did help her to be able to push past her fears though, except for one. Her fear of the Skrull.

She did not fear them as a species or as individuals, but their powers of infiltration and shapeshifting unnerved her to no end. She feared one day she might find the woman from her dreams, the one that is keeping her from letting her past go, the one that felt like home, only to find that she is a Skrull and Vers would have to kill it while it wore her face. The thought of killing her made Vers's stomach twist and her heart clench. 

Her feelings for this unknown woman from her past confused Vers. What were they to each other? How could Vers answer that question when she didn't even know who she once was, let alone some mystery woman that kept her from restful sleep?

She fears meeting her, she fears never meeting her. She fears the dreams she appears in and fears not seeing her. She fears remembering her or forgetting her. 

Starforce had thought they had trained her to fear nothing, but they only taught her how to hide them better. 

\---

Carol thought of herself as a 'Bit of a badass'. She flew fighter jets for a living, not much scared her. There were the basic fears, spiders, snakes, being outed as gay, clowns, the basics. Those fears she could live with but there was one that she had promised to never come to light, becoming her father. 

She didn't even know she had the fear until one bad night. She and Maria had had a fight over Maria's new tool of a boyfriend. She was also passed over again for a promotion, it went to some guy that didn't know the throttle from the landing gear. 

Carol wound up standing in front of Pancho's but unable to walk in as she had done many times before. The memories that she made with Maria at the bar were some of her favorites, but right now they hurt too much. So, she left and found some backwater bar that smelled of stale beer and fresh cigarettes. She got hammered that night, she was on her sixth shot of some cheap vodka. She was about to order a seventh when Maria walked in. Carol stiffen as Maria approached her.

"Carol," Maria said softly, "come home."

"Is your new boy toy going to be there?" She tried to sound sarcastic, but it came out much harsher than she intended and slightly slurred. Maria flinched slightly at her words and Carol's heart dropped at the sight.

"You're more important to me than he could ever be, you're my best friend." It was Carol's turn to flinch at the words. She knew that they were true, they were best friends, but Carol wanted more.

Carol took a deep breath trying to calm the swirling pool of emotions that was raging inside, and the nauseous feeling in her gut her before standing, she stumbled a bit as she made her way towards the bathroom at the back of the dingy bar. She flung the bathroom door open, wincing at the loud bag it made as it hit the wall. She stumbled again, catching herself on the counter.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her once tight bun was now loose and several strands of hair fell in front of her face, her eyes were bloodshot, and her skin was tacky from sweat. She looked tired, and she was. She was tired of being treated differently because she was a woman, tired of watching Maria go through guys faster than she went through new recruits at practice, and she was tired of watching the woman she loved not even consider her. She was just tired. She looked just like her father, and that scared her to no end.

She didn't know how long she had been standing there when Maria walked in. She hopped up on the counter with her back facing the mirror.

"You know this is the men's room, right?" Maria said as she started to swing her legs as she looked around the small bathroom, looking everywhere but Carol. Carol let out an exhausted laugh as she spotted the urinals along the back wall. She didn't know when she started crying but when Maria's hand cupped her cheek, Carol could feel the wet streaks her thumb left as she stroked her cheek.

Carol looked up at her, Maria's hand still on her cheek. "I love you." She choked out, and froze when the words escaped her lips.

"I know." Maria responded, her thumb never stopped or faltered.

"Did you just quote Star Wars at me?" Carol huffed, trying to act offended but knew it wasn't working as her eyes never left Maria's.

"Says the woman who constantly quotes Top Gun."

"Hey, that's different. It's a movie that is about our job," Carol pouted, "and it's cool." she added softly.

Maria chuckled at her antics. "I love you too, you idiot."

"Don't," Her throat started to tighten, "don't say that unless you mean it." She tried to turn her face away but Maria's grip only tightened on her face, forcing her to look at the woman before her.

"I mean it." Maria's voice was soft and hard at the same time.

She kissed Carol right there in the men's room of a rundown bar, and Carol was even more terrified of this than she had been of becoming her father. She was terrified of what was next, but was more excited than she had ever been in her life.

\---

She has a mission, to find the Skrulls a new home and to take down the Kree empire. With her powers fully unlocked she has nothing to fear, so why does she still have the same dreams she did had Vers. She had met Maria and Monica, she found out who she was, so why did they still haunt her. What was she missing? What was she scared of?

The answer came to her one night as she was having dinner with Talos and his family. She smiled at the way they told stories and told inside jokes with one another. There was a quiet moment and she saw the look of unabashed love that was shared between the family, and then she had her answers. She missed her family. 

She had had a taste of it when she was with Maria and Monica in their small home in Louisianan. Their home, her home. She wanted more than anything to rush back to Earth and wrap them both in a hug and to never let go, but she knew she couldn't she had a mission to complete. She also learned what she was afraid of, that she would never remember her life with Maria and Monica.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter.
> 
> If anyone has any ideas for further chapters don't be afraid to let me know!


	4. Scars

Vers was converted in old scars that she didn't remember and new ones that she remembers just fine. 

There were small scars littering her body, most were faint white lines from whoever she was before. There were a few major old scars, the almost completely faded scar on the left side of her face, heavier and deeper scars on her knees and elbows, and a deep scar on her right arm. Yon-Rogg had told her that under that scar there used to be metal pins that were used to help the healing of a broken bone. The faint scar on the back of her left arm that she didn't know was there until Yon-Rogg mentioned it in training one day. The small scar on her right index finger that she would find herself self unconsciously rubbing when she was stressed. 

She has acquired her own slew of scars in her time in starforce. Most of her injuries have been small cuts and bruises, but occasionally she would slip up or get caught off guard and wind up with a slightly more serious injury. The Kree healers worked miracles and had the ability to heal most injuries almost instantaneously with minimal scarring, but Vers had always stopped them from taking her scars.

To her scars were a map of life, and someone with no scars had no stories. They were a reminder of the good and bad times, of victory and defeat. They were a reminder of a life well lived.

The blaster scar on the upper right part of her back was a reminder of the people of R-24, where the Skrulls had started an infestation. She took the hit while defending a woman from a squadron of Skrulls. It hurt like hell when it happened, but she was able to push past the pain and take out the Skrulls. It was a reminder to fight for those who can't defend themselves.

The nasty cut on her stomach that had threatened to disembowel her was to never let your guard down. A Skrull managed to impersonate one of her team members and get in close with an energy knife. The fact that it was an energy blade had saved her life. The blade was so hot it cauterized the wound as it was made, preventing her from bleeding out on a planet that she didn't even remember the name of. It left a jagged scar that ran from her right hip to just below her belly button. 

She wonders what the older scars meant to who she was before, what the stories embedded in them were.

\---

Carol Danvers hated her scars they were a reminder of all her failures. The scar on the side of her face from the go-kart accident from when she was 12. The various scars on her knees and elbows from her failed daredevil attempts. The gash on the back of her left arm from boot camp.

Carol Danvers loved her scars they were a reminder to persevere and to never give up no matter what. The scar from the go-kart was a reminder to keep a level head and not let what others say get in her head. The scars on her knees and elbows were that practice makes perfect, and of how awesome it finally looked when she stuck the landing on her bike. The scars she received in boot camp were reminders that she was going to have to work twice as hard as any of her male counterparts for what she wanted. It didn't hurt that Maria thought her scars were hot.

There was one scar that she despised, the scar on her arm from when her dad had gone into a drunken rage and ended up breaking her arm. He was able to play it off at the hospital as a biking accident. She had to get two metal pins in her arm as a result.

There was one scar that she loved more than any other, the small cut on her index finger. She got it one night as she was cooking for Maria. They had been dating for almost three months, and they were the best Carol could remember. She was cutting vegetables to add to whatever Maria was making, when out of the blue Maria blurts out "I'm pregnant." Making her falter with the knife and slice open her finger. Carol had just stared at Maria while her finger bled profusely before a huge grin appeared on her face. She needed four stitches for the cut but couldn't stop looking at Maria with that same stupid grin on her face. 

\---

Talos had asked about her scars one night after having rushed off another failed planet. She brushed him off with something about being too tired to talk, before practically crawling back to her bed. She was tired both physically and mentally. She had six years worth of memories of hunting and hating Skrulls, and now she had betrayed her people for them. But were they even her people anymore? Was she Kree or Human? Was she both or neither? 


	5. Mentors

Vers was trained by several people during her time in Starforce. There was her technologies teacher that implanted the housing for her uniform in her forearm and taught her how to use all of it's functions. There was the weapons specialist that taught her to be able to fight with a wide variety of weapons, from energy swords like Korath used to the plasma rifle that Minn-Erva often used to the gravity fields that Yon-Rogg wielded masterfully. She was able to use them, until she got frustrated or overwhelmed and melted them with her powers. After the sixth time it happened her trainer decided it was best to stick with her powers as her main weapon. It would save them both a lot of time and money for the cost of the repairs that would eventually occur. 

Yon-Rogg was the first and longest, he is her commanding officer and he would be until she could defeat him in combat. Almost six years of training with him and she still can't beat him without using her powers. She might have been letting him win for the past few years. He was the closest thing to family she had on Hala, she was literately his blood and didn't want to be transferred and loose him. She loved him, but not like Minn-Erva did in the physical sense, but like a brother almost. The thought of brothers always almost brought a memory to the surface. She thinks that who she was before had brothers based on her mind's reaction to the thought. She know he cares for her, but she can't help but get a hint of something devious when she talks to him about her dreams. It was one of the reasons she never mentions the woman. She felt like she could never completely trust him.

She learned the little things from her team. Like how to ride a hover-bike or to fly their spaceship. She was able to pick up those skills very quickly, almost like it was second nature. She was quickly able to out maneuver Minn-Erva when they raced. When they first raced, she had the same sensation on a memory just out of reach, but the feeling was quickly lost in the feeling of the wind in her hair and power between her legs.

"You cheated!" Minn-Erva yelled after losing a race against Vers. Vers just shrugged nonchalantly at the accusation.

"A short cut is not cheating." She responded with.

Whatever Minn-Erva was going to say next was lost to Vers. The short interaction had allowed a memory within her grasp and she was not letting go.

Vers or who she was before was leaning against a, (car? That felt right.) car with a grin plastered to her face and her arms crossed across her chest, she was waiting for someone. Vers knew she had just won a race because of the buzzing feeling in her that she always felt afterwards and because of the same cocky grin she always wore. She watched as another vehicle pulled in in front of her. Vers heard her before she saw her. 

"God dam you woman! You cheated!" The woman in the car yelled. 

"A short cut is not cheating." Vers responds with a casual shrug. 

Vers's breath got caught in her throat when the woman got out of her car in one smooth motion, a frustrated but amused look on her face. It was the woman from her dreams. She can tell that her reaction is same for both herself and her former self. ' _At least two things never change,_ ' she thought to herself ' _my habit at taking short cuts and my appreciation for hot chicks._ ' 

She was snapped from the memory by the sensation of falling. She barely registered the sight of Minn-Erva standing in front of her, arms out stretched. She had pushed Vers, but Vers had been too far gone in the memory to be able to stop it from happening.

\---

Carol never had anyone she really looked up to while growing up. Everyone she met was always trying to get her to change, to be the dainty little girl that she was supposed to be, and she defied all their expectations. She got to the state championships in track, even though everyone said that a little girl from a small suburb outside of Boston would never make it against the inner city rich kids. She graduated in the top five of her high school class when everyone thought that she was just some punk girl from a broken home and was no brawn and no brains. She proved them wrong again when she was accepted into flight school. It killed her that she would never get the chance to prove them wrong again by out flying any of her male counterparts in combat because she wasn't a guy. 

When she was transferred to the Pegasus project she figured she knew what she was in for. Some old white guy under estimating her and calling her ' _honey_ ' or ' _sweety_ '. She was pleasantly surprised to find a woman standing there in a leather jacket and the same cocky grin Maria was always telling her to wipe off her face, she introduced herself as 'Doctor Lawson, chief scientist here at Pegasus. You'll be working with me mostly, testing out new and faster planes before those 'cockpit boys' get their grubby little hands all over them.' Carol had never met anyone like Dr. Lawson in her life, she was everything that Carol had wanted to be growing up, cool, suave, and badass as hell. 

"Sounds like someone has a crush on the new doc." Maria teased one night after work. 

"What, no!" Carol exclaimed at Maria's words, "No, there is only one woman for me and right now she's being a pain in my ass." She taunted back at Maria who was splayed out on their couch and mocked offense at her girlfriend's words. They had been dating for about a month now, but Carol had loved her for so much longer. 

"She is," Carol paused trying to find the appropriate words, "she is what I wanted to be growing up. This cool badass woman who had men's respect but didn't need it to get what she wanted." Maria sat up on the couch and cocked an eyebrow at her with a hit of a smirk that always set Carol's insides alight.

"That sounds a lot like this hot badass chick I've been dating for a while." Carol tried but she knew she was failing to suppress her smirk at Maria's words. 

"Oh, yeah?" Maria nodded, "Then please, by all means continue." Carol said with a wave of her hand as she sat on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch Maria was sitting on. 

"Well I wouldn't want to inflate her already massive ego any further." 

"Aw, come now." Carol pouted, "She's not here now, and I promise I won't tell." 

Maria tried to hide her growing smirk as she rolled her eyes at Carol's antics, but Carol knew that Maria could never resist her when she pouted, she always claimed it was like kicking a puppy. When her eyes finally met back with Carol's still pouting face, her already dark eyes darkened further and her smirk grew devilish. Carol's pout vanished as the captain stood from the couch and slowly stalked her way to where Carol sat, her eyes never leaving Carol's face as she straddled her. 

"So, about this amazingly hot badass girlfriend you have, should I be worried?" Carol said as she placed her hands on Maria's hips.

"Probably she's pretty possessive of what's hers." Carol froze for a moment at her words. 

"You-your her's?" Carol softly stuttered, she could not tear her eyes away from Maria's as she spoke. 

"Yes, and she is mine but," Maria paused and Carol made a face at the long pause, "I think she has the hots for our new boss." Carol let out a loud groan, falling against the back of the loveseat in her normal dramatic fashion. Maria laughed at her girlfriends antics before leaning over to kiss her. 

\---

They had seemed to run out of their good luck, a Kree Accuser ship had stumbled upon them and decided to do a contraband sweep. She had debated on just destroying the ship, but she couldn't risk the Kree sending more ships after them or endangering the Skrull refugees. She never thought she would be glad to be friends with a Skrull, but when Talos shifted into one of the Kree soldiers they had fought when taking the ship she had been so relieved. She was counting on that Yon-Rogg hadn't made it back to Hala yet and that Ronan had not mentioned his defeat at her hands out of pride and fear of losing his reputation. 

"State you name and rank." A monotone voice came through the speakers in the bridge. 

"I am Lieutenant Tar-Vek and this is," Talos paused hesitated for a moment looking at her. 

"Captain Mar-Vell." She finished. 

"Checks out, just a science vessel, only four life forms onboard." The Kree soldier reported and she gave Talos a panicked and questioning look. 

"Continue on your journey." The Kree soldier ordered before cutting their connection, and both her and Talos let out a sigh of relief. 

"Captain Marvell?" Talos said as he shot her a questioning glance.

"It's Mar-Vell, two words and this was Mar-Vell's, so her name would be on the ship's registration. They would have gotten suspicions if she wasn't here, and what was this about only four life forms onboard?" 

"I figured that any Kree vessel that scanned our ship would get suspicion of such a large number of people on a science ship. So, I had them get into one of the larger shuttles and stay behind the engine's exhaust port to evade detection and it seems to have worked." 

"I'm glad it did, just warn me next time. I wouldn't want the crew to think that I had a mutinous Lieutenant." 

"Aye Aye, Captain Marvel." Talos said with a wink before departing.

"You need to stop talking to Fury!" She yelled after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That almost got pretty smutty there.
> 
> Edit: They're called Top Gay


	6. Life

Vers knows she wasn't physically born on Hala but it's where she became who she was today. She was reborn that day in the medical wing, she was reborn as Vers a Kree noble warrior hero. She had the blood and the skills to prove it. She had a life on Hala, a job, friends, but it never felt like a home. 

It felt more like a summer camp or more like boot camp. The words that sprang into her mind were strange, they felt like they had memories attached to them but like all of her other memories they too were just out of reach. Vers thinks that this 'summer camp' and 'boot camp' were important to who she was before.

The connotation she felt when she thought of summer camp was warm and calming, and that didn't remind her of Hala. Boot camp brought the feeling of determination and cool fury, that was Hala. Where her entire existence was either a training session or some form of lesson.

Her routine was to eat, sleep, and fight. The food on Hala took some getting used too, she was pretty sure that wherever she was originally from didn't serve blue slop with green nutrient cubes. The fighting was hard and challenging, but she kept pushing to be the best. The days where she had trained and fought so hard that she fell into a dream less sleep were her favorites.

Sleep brought fragmented memories, both good and bad. A phrase or two from the woman who felt like home, a screaming match from an angry old man, a guy making some derogatory joke at her expense, or a Skrull attack she only remembered pieces of. The memories usually only allowed her a few hours of sleep at a time.

Her life on Hala was spent trying to remember a life she had already lived, while also trying to live a new life. She knew one day she would have to choose between the life she had here and her past one, and she was unsure of which one she would choose.

\---

Carol's life had been filled with expectations that she knew she wouldn't live up to. She tried to, but the fire and curiosity inside of her always forced her to rebel. She didn't want that for the little bundle of joy Maria was bringing into her life, she wanted more, she wanted better. 

Carol had always loved kids, Maria always told her that she was just a big kid all the time and she wasn't wrong. When Maria had told her, she was pregnant she couldn't stop smiling even as she had to get stitches on her finger. Maria never did have the best timing.

Once the initial shock and news had washed over her, the panic set in. How would this affect her and Maria's relationship? Would Maria even want her around the kid? What would this mean for Maria's career? Would she even make a good mother if Maria let her be in this kid's life? She had always wanted kids, she had mentioned it passing to Maria over the years but had never thought she would ever have the chance to be a mother, she was _way_ to gay for that. She was spiraling deeper into the dark pit of fear with each passing thought.

Maria found her standing in front of the open refrigerator, her injured hand on the handle and the other clutching a container of ketchup, staring at the empty space in front of her.

"Babe you're going to let all the cold air out." Carol didn't move or even respond that she had heard her.

"Babe?" Maria said as she slowly approached her girlfriend. Still no response.

"Hey." she said softly as she reached for the bottle of ketchup. The bottle was warm and Maria could feel the pressure inside the bottle from Carol's tight grip on it.

"Carol." She said forcefully as she gently pried the bottle from her grasp. Carol blinked and took a half step back at the sound of her name.

"Wha-" Carol started to say but stopped her self. She took a moment to get her bearings. "When did you get home?" Carol's voice was tight and Maria could see that the smile on her face was forced and that she was blinking back tears in her eyes.

"Where'd you go?" Maria asked softly as she placed a hand on Carol's cheek. 

"Nowhere." Maria just cocked an eyebrow at her response and Carol caved.

"I-I was thinking about," Carol set out a breath, trying to stop her throat from contracting and her tears from falling. "I was thinking about her and my role in her life and what you wanted it to be." Her voice was soft and tight as she spoke.

"How do you know it's a girl?" Maria could see the worry and fear in Carol's eyes lighten at the question and her signature smirk appeared.

"I'm one hundred percent sure that your genes beat the shit out of his and made his y chromosome run back to mommy crying." 

"I'm pretty sure you did that to him." Carol had found the guy and did ruff him up a 'bit' for getting her best friend pregnant. Carol's smirk grew for a second at the memory but dropped into a more serious look.

"But seriously, what do you want my role to be? Do you even want me around for this?" The fear in her voice broke Maria's heart.

"Of course, I want you here, I couldn't think of a better person to do this with and your role in his," Carol shot her a look but her smile almost negated it, "or her life is whatever you want it to be. I'm going to need someone here to distract me from not being able to fly for the next six months."

"I think I can do that." Carol said as she leaned in and kissed the woman, she loved with all her heart.

\---

Her life outside the ship currently consisted of finding the Skrull a new world, rescuing the remaining Skrull refugees and any others left in hiding because of the Kree, and slowly dismantling the Kree empire. She wasn't sure how long it had been since she left Earth, time is difficult to tell in space without a day/night cycle. She learned that she didn't need as much sleep or food since unlocking her full powers. Which is useful when on the run, but it was running her ragged. 

When she did sleep it was the same dreams she had as Vers. She had filled in some gaps and regained some memories when she had met Maria and Monica, but there was still a lot of her memories missing. 

"Talos!" She called down the hall, hoping to catch him before he left to head down to the planet. She saw him stop just before he turned the corner and motion for the other Skrulls to go on without him.

"What's wrong?" He asked when she finally caught up with him.

"Nothing, I just have a favor I need to ask."

"Anything."

"I need my memories back, all of them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite chapter I've written for this, but the Captain Marvel section was needed and pregnant Maria
> 
> 2 more chapters left


	7. Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Vers chapter was hard to write, there were so many ways I wanted to go with it, but I like what it came out as. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The first time Vers takes a life it's a Skrull. She has been training to try and figure out how to identify a Skrull when it looks like someone else and has their memories. She has been training her memory to remember faces, so she can remember if she has seen the same person twice, even at a glance. 

She is on one of her first missions with her new team led by Yon-Rogg. They were supposed to infiltrate an outermost planet and find the Skrulls that had started to infest the planet. But it is never that simple. They had to split up to track all of their possible target, she was paired with Yon-Rogg before she could complain.

They were tracking a man, Teg, who was a local politician and was rapidly gaining influence and support. He was a prime target for Skrull replacement, he had power, money, and was a vague figure to most people so they could act strangely without fear of detection. 

They had been studying him and knew intimate details about his life that even he probably didn't even know, and they were ready to make their move. Yon-Rogg was sure that he had been replaced. Vers still had her doubts but trusted his instincts and years of experience. 

They finally made their move against him and Vers was more nervous than she could remember, even if all she could remember were the past two years. It was quick and precise, they managed to get into his house without being spotted by any of the guards or the security system. 

"What if we're wrong? What if he's not Skrull?" She whispered as they were hidden in their targets room waiting for him to return from a fundraiser. 

"Vers," Yon-Rogg sighed, "how many times have I told you to use your head and not your gut? We have solid intel that his behavior hasn't been consistent and his political base has changed drastically, you don't do that without some alternative motive or it's because he's a _Skrull_." Vers just nodded in the darkness. She trusted him and his instincts but she couldn't ignore her gut.

They sat silently in the dark for the next twenty minutes, but for Vers it felt like hours. She had never been good at being patient, well maybe she used to be but she highly doubted it. 

They tensed at the sounds of voices coming down the hallway towards them. Yon-Rogg had his hand on his blaster having opted to leave his gravity gauntlets on his ship. Vers unconsciously started to rub the scar on her finger, she could feel her power starting to flicker to life inside her. She tried her best to quell the flames that wanted to burst from within her in hope to not reveal them and scare the target.

The voices slowly got louder as they approached where they were hidden. They were close enough for Vers to positively identify Teg as one of the voices and a second voice as female. Vers tensed and Yon-Rogg started to draw his weapon as the door handle slowly twisted and the hallway light started to flood the room. The pair stumbled into the room giggling.

"What the hell?!" Teg exclaimed and the female screamed and ran to hide in a nearby closet. They were there for Teg not her, so they ignored her.

"By order of the Supreme Intelligence any and all Skrulls and their conspirators are to be immediately taken into custody to await judgment." Yon-Rogg said as he moved behind the politician, holstering his gun and forcing him to his knees.

"I'm not a Skrull!" Teg cried out as handcuffs were placed on his hands.

A small movement to Vers's right caught her attention. It was the barrel of a blaster, and it was aimed right at Yon-Rogg. It was a split second decision as she fired a photon blast just behind where she saw the barrel, leaving a smouldering hole in the wall next to the closet door and a feminine scream came from within.

Yon-Rogg had his pistol drawn instantly and was already moving towards the closet door. Vers was stood there stunned. Yon-Rogg emerged from the closet with his gun sheathed again.

"Is she?" She could get the word out.

"Yes." He responded bluntly. "You did good work, you saved my life and probably many more by what you just did."

Vers made the mistake of glancing into the closet. She saw the still smoking female Skrull corpse lying there in a pool of its own blood. The image joined the memories that haunted her dreams.

\---

There were a few things that Carol loved about not flying combat missions. She met Maria, the love of her life, and Dr. Lawson, a mentor that was more of a mother her than her own had ever been. She got to fly all sorts of experimental planes that the 'cockpit boys', as Dr. Lawson loves to call the egotistical misogynistic boys would only ever dream of. Most importantly she can fly planes and do cool maneuvers without killing anyone.

She didn't have much experience with death in her life. There had been her brother's death when she was younger, but she had so few memories of him. She remembered her father's death perfectly.

It was Christmas time and her parents had invited her to join them for the holidays. Carol was surprised when she received the voice mail from her mother. Her mother hadn't said much in the message but it sounded important. She hadn't heard from them since she joined the military, not even a letter or a phone call until that day. She called her mother when she got home from a day of flying a new plane that Dr. Lawson had just helped design. She just laughed when she heard her mother's cheerful proposal.

"I don't hear a word from you in _years_ and now you want me to spend Christmas with you out of the blue. Well too bad I already have plans, I'm spending Christmas with Maria and Monica." She didn't even bother to hide the anger in her words. 

"Who are Maria and Monica? Are they other pilots? You could invite them to join us." Her mother asked enthusiastically. Carol bitterly laughed at her mother's questions.

"The fact that you don't know who they are just proves how much you don't know about my life."

"Well I would if you ever wrote to us or called every once in a while." There was a slight pause followed by some muffle voice before her father's cold and harsh voice came over the phone.

"Carol Susan Jane Danvers, you will do as your mother tells you! You will come home for Christmas." Her father said sternly into the phone.

"Are you kidding me!" Carol yelled into the phone. She took a deep breath and lowered her voice before continuing. 

"You're the one who pretty much said I was throwing my life away by joining the military." Carol took a deep breath trying not to start yelling again. "But oh how wrong you were. I have an amazing life here, I get to do a job that I love and have made a family that I love here. So, you don't get to call me out of the blue and demand I do anything, and I am done discussing this." She could hear her father yelling loudly through the phone as she slammed the phone back onto the receiver.

It was the last time she heard her father's voice. 

She got a call about two weeks later shortly after Christmas from her mother. 

"Hello?" She said as she answered the phone. She had been cleaning up the dining room table while Maria took Monica to bed. 

"Carol." Her mother sobbed through the phone. She had only heard her mother cry three times in her life, when her brother died, when Carol joined the military, and while watching some romantic movie that Carol couldn't remember the name of. 

"Mom, what's wrong? What happened?" Carol asked as Maria walked in. 

"Your father," Her mother's voice was cut off as sobs echoed through the phone line, "there was an accident." she choked out. Carol's heart dropped as she put the pieces together. 

"Thank you for telling me. I'll call you back later." The voice that came out of her didn't feel like her own. She let the phone drop from her ear, her hand still clutching it as she stood there starring into the space in front of her. 

"Carol, babe, what's wrong?" Maria said as she wrapped her arms around the blonde woman from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder. 

"My dad's dead." She said a little too bluntly and casually. Maria quickly released her and spun her to face her and hugged her tightly.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?! Of course you're not okay, you just found out your dad died." She said into Carol's shoulder. 

She didn't know how to tell Maria that she was surprisingly okay with the whole situation, so she just hugged her back tightly. 

\---

"Are you sure?" Talos asked for the third time. 

"Again, yes I am. Let's just do this before you panic and back out." She said shooting him a frustrated glare. 

"I'm just worried. This will not be a pleasant experience, you will remember a lot in a short period of time and it might be too much for your mind to handle." 

"Can't you do what you did last time? Slowly repeat the memory over and over again." 

"We were looking for a specific piece of information not an entire life. We can do that with each memory, _if_ you want to be here for the next twenty plus years, reliving each and every memory." She grumbled in response, crossing her arms. "Thought not." Talos said smugly. 

"Do we have to do the whole upside down thing?" She questioned as she looked at the device that once held her. 

"Yes, it increased the blood flow to your brain, which decreases the chance of your brain being deep fried." 

"Got it, french fry brain bad, reverse Jesus good." She said with a nervous chuckle as Talos lowered the mechanism that held the ankle restraints. 

"So, I'm going to say a word and that should trigger a strong memory that your subconscious relates with it." He paused as she connected the restrains herself. "This is your last chance to back out, after this there is no going back." 

"If I don't do this, there is no going forward." 

"Wow, dramatic much." She laughed at Talos's words.

"You need to stop talking with Fury, his flair for sarcasm is rubbing off on you." 

"Seriously, last chance."

"Just get do it will ya."

"Okay, here we go." He said as he flipped the switch and Carol was now suspended by her ankles and a short arc of purple energy ran through her temples. 

"You ready?" She gave him a thumbs up, but realized that from his point of view it was a thumbs down and quickly rotated her wrist. 

"Beginnings." And she faded into the memories that arose from the word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, this is the final chapter. I decided to save what I was going to write for the next chapter for the beginning of the next installment. Speaking of, it's going to be about Carol's return to Earth.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and commented and gave their support, you guys are the real MVP. 
> 
> If you have any comments or questions don't be afraid to ask.
> 
> EDIT: I just got a tumblr, so yeah, follow me or what ever it's called there or just say Hi. I'll post updates and bits of information about my works there.  
> thunder42shock


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